In my studies of the lives of older Americans, I learned that almost nothing is as painful to them as estrangement from an adult child. When I wrote a blog post on this topicit led to an extraordinary outpouring of interest that both surprised and moved me. When we reach the later years, our dream is to be surrounded by loving children and grandchildren.
Verified by Psychology Today. Liking the Child You Love. It has felt good to see some readers of my previous posts on this topic respond to one another's comments and offer mutual support.
I lived in an unhealthy family for more than 40 years, but I didn't make the choice to "break up" with my parents overnight. For most people, it's unimaginable for a grown man or woman to choose to stop all contact with their parents. The people who provided food, clothes, and shelter, attended dance recitals, volunteered at school, or cheered from the bleachers during every Friday night's football game don't deserve to be abandoned in their old age just because they made some parenting mistakes, right?
In counseling, many adult clients come in struggling to connect to their parents. They feel that their parents do not respect them, as I discuss hereand don't treat them as valuable, worthwhile people, or continually infringe upon their personal boundaries. There can be different dynamics at play here, including:. This frequently happens when an adult is struggling with the aftermath of growing up in an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic, or otherwise dysfunctional home, and parents say it never happened.
Observations, insights, and tools for creating a meaningful life and building satisfying, close relationships by therapist and life coach Christyn Nelson, MFT. Check back for updated posts once or twice each week! For more information about my counseling and coaching services, see www.
There are few things as frustrating as a disrespectful child. Most parents can deal with mistakes, failures, immaturities, and a whole host of other imperfections within their children, but a lack of respect is unacceptable. And it should be.
Question: I am the mother of a year-old daughter. Our relationship is very strained. She repeatedly speaks to me with sarcastic intonations in spite of my numerous requests for her to "try to talk nice.
Parenting styles, for one. Their relationships often revolved around what made them feel good or bad, not necessarily how to negotiate them. Societal changes notwithstanding, you, dear Mom and Dad, may be doing things that also push the kids away — not deliberately, of course, but alienating nonetheless.
Once, acts of disrespect happened very infrequently. What can you do to better understand your children and curb this problem? Do you want expanded pointers on the tips and strategies we mentioned above?